Raisin Toast

I’ve been eating a lot of raisin toast lately for breakfast. It’s kind of weird, but I tend to enjoy certain foods in fits and spurts and raisin toast seems to be the flavour of the month. The funny thing is that my roommate has also caught the raisin toast virus and we’ve been going through it like gangrene on a diabetic toe. Sunmaid makes the best – it’s the cinnamon swirl!

I went on a bit of a road trip this past weekend, both literally and figuratively. My good friend Lindsey was getting married in the town where I did my undergraduate degree. It was the first time I had been back in over five years and I think it was high time for a visit.

Though happy for an excuse to go back, I greeted this trip with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. Kind of in the way that the best movies make the worst sequel’s, I am a firm believer in living in the moment, and not trying to recreate it ad nauseum when it’s over – instead always moving forward. I was thrilled to be attending an old friend’s wedding, all the while cognisant of the fact that I might have to face a couple of daemons while I was at it. Also, I was bloated and concerned that my dress would not fit.

Phewf, the dress did fit, but I wasn’t wrong about the emotional part. The weekend was a bit of a roller coaster from start to finish. I drove by about 40 of the ghetto houses I had lived in over the years and flashed back to many of the memories and friendships that were formed in them. It was both a very carefree time in my life, and one when I did a considerable amount of growing up. I haven’t been in such a safe space since.

I also was able to visit with several friends that I hadn’t seen in years and see how their lives had evolved. They are all married, own homes, and are either pregnant or new parents. It was great fun to see my old friends and drinking buddies all grown up, but it also drove home the reality of the choices I’ve made in the past 5 years.

Here is the part where I could begin to bitch and moan and feel sorry for myself, but you know what? that is not the feeling that I came away with. Actually, I surprised the dickens out of myself. Oh sure, every one of those visits left me with a lump in my throat, and I was on the verge of tears on more than one occasion, but driving home on Sunday I was struck by several revolutionary clichés almost at once:

1. we’ve all made choices and they’ve all come with a side dish of rewards and sacrifices,
2. none of us will ever know what was behind door number 2,
3. happiness is not a passive circumstance, it is an active choice
4. doing your best and givin’ er’ is likely always your best strategy in any situation.

I think the timing of this wedding was a blessing in disguise. I am now at peace. Me and my four remaining ovum have never been more committed to finishing medical school passionately and letting the rest of the chips fall where they may. It’s probably the best I’ve felt about this in years.

Also, today I made some great strides in feeling cervi and performing paps. I am happy as two babies will be arriving in the next couple of hours, into my waiting hands.

tt