Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Dream Analysis

I had this dream during my last night in Mexico. It was one of those dreams I have about once a year where I am crying so hard in my sleep that I wake up with tears rolling down my face and a damp pillow. Usually I can make some sense of these dreams, but this one just came right out of left field.

In the dream I was hanging out somewhere with my friends, only my friends in the dream were not my friends in real life. They were strangers (and I’m happy to report that they were a racially diverse lot!). These pseudo-friends and I were just dinking around one afternoon when one of them mentioned that she’d heard some bad news. Apparently, one of my “friends” had heard that my old basketball coach and math teacher from high school’s two daughters had died within a couple of weeks of each other. It was sad news to be sure, but in the dream I was absolutely devastated (disproportionately) and hell bent on getting to the funeral, which was happening that afternoon.

The rest of the dream played out in that frantic way that anxiety dreams do, where you can’t seem to get where you’re going fast enough, and everything is going in slow motion. My friends were lollygagging and I didn’t have an appropriate outfit on and we were held up in traffic. When we finally got there the funeral was over, but I sought out this man (with whom I always had a somewhat difficult relationship) and told him how terribly sorry I was about his loss. He shrugged and said to me “you could die too y’know.” I was terribly hurt but attributed his nasty attitude to his grief and began to walk away.

Then, out of the blue, he came running after me arms wide open. We stood in place and hugged each other and cried. Dude, it was fuckkin’ bizarre. I didn’t particularly care for this man when I was in grade 9. Over the years we managed to get to a place of mutual respect and understanding. But seriously, I haven’t given him all that much thought since, and I don’t know where in God’s name he is parked in my subconscious mind.

Any ideas what the frick this means? While you’re at it, any ideas about what I should do with my life? I am about to have a complete meltdown over the Obs\Gyn situation and am soliciting well thought out suggestions, or ideas on how to make good choices when life-altering consequences hang in the balance.

tabby cat

8 Comments:

Blogger The One and Only said...

That was deep tell tale. Actually, I have been having nasty dreams as well....although my issues have to do with anxiety around work. As for your nightmare, I am not sure what to make of it...after all, I am not a "dream analysis" kind of guy. However, I would say that there are some unresolved issues with respect to this man and apparently you are ready to deal with them...subconciously of course.

I was happy to hear that you were with a diverse group of people in your dream....was I the only Arab? :)

Ob/Gyn? What is the deal? You liked it right? Heck, go for it. If you know what you like then I suggest you follow it. Too many people dollygag and then they make mistakes. IF you like it then put 100% and then if you change your mind you won't regret a thing because you didn't half ass it. People change...and I am sure it is not easy to go from one specialty to another in any profression. Keep us posted.

5:54 PM  
Blogger telltale tabby said...

Dear TOAO,

There were no Arabs in my group of friends. Just me, a black girl, and an Asian girl - kind of like a Noxema commercial or something. Maybe you’re right that I am trying to work some things out. I dunno…I have been feeling a little lonely lately…

I loved Ob/Gyn, but it isn’t really that simple. It’s a huge commitment and a very difficult lifestyle decision. I would not want to enter into it lightly. Sadly, it is looking like less of an issue, as I am having a nearly impossible time trying to set up electives in it for the fall. One woman effectively laughed at me, and asked if I was inquiring for next year. So, I’m a little frustrated on that front. But I will persevere.

Thanks for your insights my Arab friend (I would actually never think to characterize you that way. Is that how you primarily self-identify?).

Love Tabby

1:10 PM  
Blogger bbctchr,M.D. said...

I used the word "lollygagging" with my wife last week and got a strange look, nice to see that I'm not alone on that front.

I'm happy that you like bbctchng, but remember what I say to all students - look at the specialties that you would enjoy equally and pick the one with the best lifestyle. You don't want to be doing in-house call surfing the web at 11:00 at night and posting comments on blogs when you are 50 if you'd be just as happy as a dermatologist...

11:17 PM  
Blogger telltale tabby said...

yeah, i don't know what the hell i want to do anymore. i am beginning to strongly resent having to make a decision so early in the game.

t

11:30 AM  
Blogger The One and Only said...

I am not sure how I primarily self-identify...I tend to stand out in a crowd - or at least the crowds that I run with. Let me ask my wife and get back to you on that one :)

4:49 PM  
Blogger The One and Only said...

My wife wants to know how you identify me. As chinese? As white? She is bustin my balls about this...please answer :)

TOAO

P.S. - what can she do about her heartburn...she gets it a lot!!

8:54 PM  
Blogger telltale tabby said...

I just identify you as you. I Lebanese too.

For S.'s heartburn, I guess she should maybe try to eat more frequent, but small meals. Also, avoid foods like chocolate, mint, spicy foods, caffeine. If it's really bad tell your doctor because there are some drugs that are safe and can help alot.

xot

7:49 AM  
Blogger telltale tabby said...

sorry. in the above, i meant "i guess as Lebanese too". I'm a bit challenged on the communication front sometimes.

t

7:50 AM  

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