Placenta Brevia

Well, my protected baby-catching time is coming to an end and it has truly been great fun. I feel like I scored the jackpot because my call shifts were always relatively busy, and I actually saw some pretty crazy shit.

Though not well organized, or grammatically intact, here are some of my highlights from last week:

1. Woman births baby in ED, completely denies having been pregnant. Despite having been exposed to alcohol, tobacco and marijuana, and having had 2 doses of Morphine, baby is alert and cute as a button.

2. Another woman chooses to repeatedly have unprotected sex with a guy who gave her Chlamydia, which became PID, and has likely impacted her future fertility.

3. Treated to St. Hubert’s take out for dinner on Tuesday – chicken fingers (with honey for dipping), fries, coleslaw, special sauce. Unbelievably delicious!

4. Morbidly obese pre-eclamptic woman awaiting air ambulance transfer to Toronto for critical care of self and baby, requests to go out for cigarette (is irritated when told that smoking in her condition carries not only the usual risks, but also additional risk of placenta detaching prematurely causing fetus (and maybe mom) to quietly exsanguinate).

5. Third true cord knot of my medical career (statistically, I am way ahead of the game here).

6. I now feel I could fairly comfortably deliver a baby in a field, taxi cab, or executive class section of an airplane (ideally, I would be wearing shoelaces to tie off the placenta, and have access to 10units of Oxytocin to administer IM post placental delivery).

7. When Philadelphia Flyers lose, drunken husband becomes agitated with pregnant wife, busts shit up and smears pizza on walls of hospital room. Hospital security and police are implicated.

8. Hung over husband eats crow the following day as wife quietly delivers his 9lb baby.

9. Midwives vs Ob/Gyn – two solitudes (watch for diatribe on this topic in future post).

10. Tarzan and Jane, outdated Palm technology, unleavened bread follies, new friend.

11. Mid forceps delivery executed with style and panache despite Team Midwife's attempt to box out hospital staff.

12. Urban living dinners with Pesto, my bipolar best friend (and Proscuitto and a Russian cat named Vladimira). Special guests this week - Moses, Jesus, Aldo.

Vacation is now imminent. Sleep is even more imminent. Clean flannel bedsheets are the spice of life.

Goodnight dear friends.

tabs