Friday, May 12, 2006

Thank You Estée

Dear Estée Lauder,

I’m sorry to be writing you this note post mortem. I would rather have let you know in person. Nevertheless, I feel compelled to share with you my overwhelming gratitude for restoring my skin to good health.

I first came to your products out of complete desperation. The thought of spending such an obscene amount of money on facial moisturizer was almost unfathomable. Well, I humbly submit that I was wrong.

After months and months of unbelievably dry skin and resultant breakouts, having tried many modestly priced products, I was ready to throw in the towel and acknowledge that maybe I was getting old and my cells were breaking down or something.

In a last ditch effort to stop the madness, I decided to give you a shot. You did not disappoint. A couple of weeks of regular application of your “special serum” and Hydracomplete Moisturizer have left me feeling like a new woman. What’s more, the “special serum” can now be used only occasionally and my daily moisturizer needs are also greatly reduced. I no longer feel the need to apply copious cover up, or wear make-up (yuk) to hide the obscenity of my blotchy, chapped, shitty skin. In a word, I feel radiant!

Thank you Estée. You’ve found a friend and loyal customer in me.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Tabs,

We, here at Estee Lauder, do our best each and everyday to please our big spending customers. We strive on making the most expensive products to ensure that you have great looking and healthy skin - and of course we love to make a great profit.

You must be married and have many children at this point. After all, you would have taken full advantage of our "Mate Guarantee". Just in case you don't remember it, let me re-educate you. The Mate Guarantee states that if you have used our products for at least 6 months and have not found a life partner due to your lovely skin then we will refund all the money that you have spent on our products. It appears as though we have saved you as well as other women.

We hope that you will continue to buy our over priced products and that you will spread the good news to your friends.

Yours in skin care,

Estee Lauder

4:44 PM  
Blogger telltale tabby said...

Dear Estée,

Thank you for your reply. As long as my skin continues to feel soft, plump, and even textured, I will happily use your product.

As for the mate guarantee, I have only been using the product for approximately 1 month. I have no mate and no prospects, but at least I when I touch myself I feel pleasure!


5:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Tabs,

We here at Estee Lauder are happy that you are getting pleasure from our products and from yourself. I guess there is nothing wrong with double-clicking your own mouse.

Only been using our products for 1 month? Wow, our shit really is good!! On behalf of everyone here, I wish you the best and continued succcess with our products.

Yours in skin care,
Dick Gozeinya
Estee Lauder's Personal Assistant

11:34 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home