Flight Risk

I can scarcely muster up the courage to detail my current degree of emotional destitution. Just now, as I was driving home down the dark highway, I had to resist an almost overwhelming urge to pass by my exit and keep on driving into the night forever. A fugue - I was considering a frickin’ fugue! What in God’s name is the matter with me?

Luckily, I realized in time that I was heading directly for Hawkesburry, which is a place I never want to see again. This, coupled with the promise of warm, inviting flannel, may have been the only thing that kept my truck steered toward home.

Now here I am, about to head to bed, defeated and emotionally vacant. Today was another one of those wherein I felt incredibly stupid, frustrated,and unclear as to what was expected of me for most of the day. I dealt in assholes, poo, and hemorrhoids all afternoon and then I missed the surgery I had been looking forward to all day. My boss does not like me. Tomorrow I will probably get in trouble for having poor judgment. Today I was chastised for being too worried about a patient who apparently was not as sick as I thought. Oopsie.

BBCTCHR, I did not have time to look at a photo of your new car. I’m sorry. I thought I would see you again later, but I did not. You were delivering healthy babies with my classmate. I was jealous. I want to deliver babies, and feel the bright rays and warmth of antenatal care shinning on my face. Instead, I duck out of the way as liquid poo hurls out of an anuscope.

Probably by tomorrow I will have swung back to a manic state, but for now all I can think about is the fact that I have to go back to the hospital in 6 hours and feel my deficits as acutely as today.

My roommate Bobcat would like you to know that he feels more or less the same way, minus the poo, since he is doing dermatology right now. Apparently rashes are also pretty gross.

Tabby