The Squirrel Saga

It is wonderful here at home. I’ve barely left the house all weekend. I am joyous, relaxed, and calm. I've laundered my clothing, languished in my flannel bed, and marveled at the cleanliness of my bathroom (after I cleaned it).

There’s just one little black mark on the weekend. It actually began several weeks ago when Bobcat and I became aware of growing static on our phone line. This problem has reached unmanageable proportions over the last 2 weeks, rendering our phone virtually unusable. I’ve been using my cell phone all weekend, even to call Bell Canada and let them know they better come over and look into this sitch.

This has happened once before, about 2 years ago, and it turned out that the squirrels who pretty much own the backyard had chewed through our phone wires. Based on the vibrant squirrel community I’ve observed in the yard lately, I have no reason to believe that this time is any different.

Well anyway, they’ve been getting on my nerves all weekend. The phone thing is super irritating, and I think they might’ve broken into the roof, because this morning, I awoke to a squirrel symphony above my head. They were pounding so hard I thought one was going to crash through the ceiling onto me. At one point, I heard a really loud noise, so I got out of bed all bleary-eyed and pulled back the curtains to find a gigantic black squirrel pulling a spider man on my window screen. I screamed bloody murder, told him to get lost, and got back in bed.

This afternoon I had to go to the airport to pick someone up. I was driving home down Halifax drive and a squirrel darted out onto the road. I swear to God I tried my best to avoid him. I shouted “hey, get off the road you!” He didn’t listen. I swerved. I braked. I did everything I know. But it was no use. He got caught under the wheels. I felt it and then I saw his mangled carcass in my rearview mirror. I wanted to go back and see if he was dead, but then 2 cars were coming, so I couldn’t.

In my extensive 13 year driving history, I can recall killing one small turtle, possibly a chipmunk, and likely hundreds of frogs. I’m not super granola or anything, but I feel really sad whenever I run over a living creature. The guilt over today’s carnage was compounded by the fact that I wondered afterward if some unconscious part of me, angry at the bastard squirrels taking over my backyard, didn’t perhaps run over that little guy on purpose.

tt