Monday, March 10, 2008

Busted – A One Act Play Not So Loosely Based on Real Life Events

I tend to just head home right after my workout and shower when I get here. Today was no exception. I had a great run, jumped in my car and started for home. Unfortunately, I had only made it about 50 meters when I was abruptly jarred from my endorphin-induced bliss by sirens and flashing red lights.

So I pulled over and sure enough so did the cop. My face was covered in salty sweat residue and I had my puffy down coat over my stinky running jersey. My hair was wet and matted to my head. I generally looked terrible.

The following is a transcript of what transpired.

Cop: (angry aggressive tone) Ma’am, you didn’t even try to stop at that stop sign coming out of the parking lot. Why not?

Me: (looking down shamefully, thinking to myself, what a stupid question? briefly considering telling him the truth - that said stop sign is completely futile and stupid) Uh, I dunno, guess I was in a bit of a rush...

Cop: (even more angry) how often do you come onto the base?

Me: almost every day

Cop: well, why did you blast through that stop sign?

Me: I dunno, I’m sorry.

Cop: Ma’am, can I see your driver’s license, insurance, and registration please?

Me: (fumbling around in my wallet) Uh, here is my driver’s license. Where would I find the rest of that stuff?

Cop: I don’t know ma’am

Me: (opening glove compartment) Uh, shit, is this what you want?

Cop: Ma’am, that is the registration. Can you get it out please? I also need your insurance.

Me: Right, well I definitely have insurance. Where would that be?

Cop: I don’t know. It should be a pink piece of paper.

Me: (reaching into wallet, pulling out plastic Meloche Monnex Client Card) I think this is my insurance.

Cop: No, that is not your insurance.

Me: I think it is. Are you sure it isn’t?

Cop: Yes, your insurance is pink and has an expiry date on it.

Me: Well maybe mine is different. Do you think they might be revamping insurance and handing out cards instead?

Cop: No ma’am I do not.

Me: (ongoing spastic fumbling in glove compartment - for like 8 minutes!) Oh, shit, here it is.

Cop: (taking my documents with him, walks back to his car, returns moments later) Ma’am where do you live?

Me: I live on Mc___ Street. I’m just in town for a few months working at the hospital.

Cop: Fine, hang on. I’ll be back.

Me: (waiting forever while cop sits in his car doing God knows what, stewing, wondering how many demerit points I can expect, wondering if I’ll get kicked off the base forever, questioning how much the fine will be, feeling my insurance premium rising while I wait)

Cop: (finally returns, hands me my stuff, miraculously no ticket) Ma’am, you need to stop at that stop sign in the future.

Me: (massive relief) Yes, of course I will.

This is actually the second time in my life I’ve been pulled over for running a stop sign, and also the second time I’ve successfully employed the spastic freak defence. It’s not premeditated but I guess it's kind of like my version of a bend and snap. One time I got pulled over for speeding and tried the same strategy. That time, it did not work. The cop was mad at me because I drove for about 3 kilometers before pulling over and then told him that I was hoping if I kept driving, he’d go after somebody else. I don’t recommend that, as it really pissed him off and he gave me the speeding ticket as punishment.

Anyway, today my charms were effective despite being a salt covered nut job. I was very relieved.

biggest hug,



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am laughing out loud from reading this story. You are the best.

10:04 PM  
Blogger telltale tabby said...


I'm glad you liked it. I left out the part where I tried to give the cop my owner's manual when he asked for the registration. Also, when he asked me who's car I was driving, he didn't believe that I was the owner.

Today at the gym I saw this guy who always runs next to me on the treadmill. He was leaving at the same time as me and sure enough, he witnessed the whole thing. We had a chat about it today, and he agreed that it is the dumbest stop sign in the world. He said that before yesterday, he had never stopped there once in his life. I told him I was happy to (almost) take one for the team.

I got your message, but I wasn't around last weekend. Maybe we could chat this weekend.


10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you should look into obtaining sponsors who would pay you a full-time salary for posting daily stories.
If this happened, the world would be a better place.
I am mostly around this weekend, except for Saturday afternoon.


8:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my goodness. that was great! (that you didn't get the ticket I mean). Sigh, haven't had a laugh like that in a while. The only time I got pulled over was for driving through a new stop sign. The cop was just sitting there pulling people over...

Hoping to see you soon...back from under.

3:19 PM  

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